Dating can be really awkward at times, I think we can all agree on that…
It can be hard to get to know a person without hitting a landmine or two while navigating the twisting road of a first date because everyone has different things they find to be turn offs or uncomfortable subjects. Often, the only way to find out where these mines are placed is to step on them.
However, there are a number of questions or topics that are almost universally uncomfortable, no matter who you are with on your date.
With that in mind, here is a handy list of ten questions you should absolutely avoid on a first date if you want things to go smoothly.
Some of these are no-brainers, while others might surprise you.
Do You Date Often?
This one isn’t just a landmine- it’s a whole minefield unto itself!
Obviously, if the guy does date a lot they have all been failures, or he wouldn’t be sitting here with you now wishing you hadn’t asked that question! Reminding your date of past dating failures is going to put a real damper on their mood and could set an adversarial tone to the date.
Furthermore, this question could seem like a passive aggressive way of asking if the guy is a slut. Now, I’m not one for slut shaming, I think it’s a ridiculous thing to do, but it doesn’t mean the guy you are on your first date with might not be made self-conscious by the implication. Just don’t go there with this one.
Have You Ever Fallen In Love?
Aside from the sheer corniness of this question, do you really think that this guy is going to want to talk about his lost love? Talk about a buzzkill!
Obviously, if they have been in love before it ended. It’s pretty rare to find a person who is happy that they are no longer with a person they loved or still love. Much like the previous question, this is going to dredge up some seriously dark thoughts that would best be examined outside of a first date scenario.
Do you really want this guy thinking about the one that got away while you are trying to be the one who is here now? This may seem like a romantic question to ask, maybe it is, but it also has the potential to go completely sideways if you’re not careful. Best to leave it be, for now.
How Come You Are still Single?
Yikes! This question is, to me, pretty much just damn rude to ask. Why is anyone single? Why are you single? This is another question that comes off as extremely passive aggressive, to me.
Everyone has their own reasons for being single and it hardly matters why they are single at any given moment. Most likely, the reasons are uncomfortable to talk about for one reason or another and, again, are likely to darken the mood a bit if your date is put into the position of thinking about them.
It doesn’t matter why they are single right now, only that they are sitting here with you hoping to change that for the better. Try to focus on the present!
Which Dating Apps Do You Use?
Don’t. Ask. This.
Seriously, this is a major no-no. For one thing, it’s none of your damn business and for another it’s another question that seems to be passive aggressively standing in for other questions you might want to ask- questions that you also shouldn’t be asking and that’s why you have to be passive aggressive about it. Even if asked innocently, this question can come off as plain rude.
Again, don’t worry about what he gets up to outside of your date so much and focus on the present.
Are You Looking For “The One” You Want To Settle Down With?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!, slow your roll, buddy, we are just meeting for coffee here to see if we click!
Confidence is widely considered to be one of the most attractive traits a guy can possess and, logically, desperation is one of the biggest turn offs. By making your self seem desperate, whether you are or not, you will kill any chance of coming off as confident and, thus, will appear less desirable in the eyes of most guys.
This question is, without a doubt, one of the most dangerous to ask on a first date. Asking this question can easily give the impression that you are looking for someone to settle down with yourself and simply reeks of desperation. It’s a famous red flag, don’t wave it!
What Were Your Exes Like?
Again, Focus on the present not the past!
Like some of the previous questions, this one is bound to get your date thinking about past failures, heartaches, and regrets. It will definitely shift his mood to darker things.
This is not first date discussion material. If things work out and you guys go on other dates and start to spend more time together, these things will crop up in your conversations naturally when the time is appropriate. The time is certainly not appropriate on a first date. Leave a little room for mystery!
Do You Follow Me On Social Media?
Asking this question can seem a bit online-stalkerish, or could be seen as implying that your date is some sort of online-stalker. In either case it’s bound to be a bit awkward in one way or another. Besides, you guys are here in person now talking and getting to know each other.
People in person are not what they are online and a person’s online persona should probably just be left out of things altogether on a first date. First dates are best when they are kept real, leave the artificial online lives out of the equation if you want things to add up to something good.
You A Top Or Bottom?
First dates are all about getting to know each other’s personalities. How does knowing if he pitches or catches going to help you know more about them as a person? Honestly, it won’t.
Another reason not to ask this question, to me, is that part of the fun of getting to know a person sexually is discovering these facts about them more organically through actual physical experimentation with each other. Again, save some mystery for later!
How Much Do You Earn?
This question is just flat out rude in almost any social setting, let alone the implications that arise by asking it on a first date. Do you want this guy to think you are looking for a daddy? Do you want this guy to think you are keeping some sort of score? This question comes off as very calculating and gold-diggerish.
If you are really curious about this, just ask them what they do for a living. That’s a perfectly acceptable topic of discussion for a first date and if will give you a general idea of your date’s earning power, if that’s really all that important to you.
Do You Have A Size Preference?
This is another one of those questions that gets asked on first dates way too frequently and can really alter the mood of a date.
Again, first dates are all about getting to know one another’s personalities and a dick measuring contest doesn’t do much to help that goal along. It can also make you seem like a size queen and, as we all know, size-queens are assholes. Don’t be a size-queen.
When it’s all said and done, the main thing you should be worrying about on a first date is keeping it fun, lighthearted, and focused on the present. If you avoid these ten questions you should be well on your way to avoiding any deviation from that goal. Watch your step and you’ll be fine!